Unless you’ve been living under a nice, quiet rock somewhere lately you may have noticed that Conor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather have agreed to fight.. er actually no they’ve agreed to a boxing match. It’s only fair because in a real fight McGregor would fold Floyd like a pretzel. I look forward to the giant press tour they’re going to embark on, it’s a bit of a spectacle and the insults have already started flying. Conor has already sported a pinstripe suit with the words “f*** you” going down the stripes and yes it’s as wonderful as it sounds. Insults about money, knockout predictions and so on and so forth. However I think instead of the boxing belt that will be on the line they should fight for the right to be British Prime Minister because let’s face it either of them would do a better than Lady Wheat Field aka Theresa May. Good old Theresa, loves her fellow party members she does. Or rather she doesn’t. Imagine how you would feel if you worked for a company you really believed in, you love your job and you think the company loves you. Then out of nowhere your company takes an unexpected downturn and in order to survive has to merge with a company full of old school types who think your department shouldn’t exist. That I imagine is how the LGBT members of the Tories feel about the DUP coalition. If you don’t know who the DUP are don’t worry because neither did I. They are terrifyingly awful though, it seems as a whole they generally believe that being gay is a no-no. As is gay marriage. Yes, unfortunately there are still people in 2017 with these type of views and because of this Northern Ireland is the only place in the UK where same sex marriage is still illegal. Social gatherings for the Conservatives could be very interesting from here on out. It’s all a distraction from everyone suddenly being tennis fans again for the next week or so. Wimbledon is in full swing and I think it would be great if the Wimbledon trophy was also thrown in for a prize. And if Roger Federer, Novak Djokovic or Andy Murray don’t like it Floyd will punch them and Conor will kick them. That’s quality PPV programming.
Speaking of quality programming Donald Trump’s favourite son (er, maybe not anymore) has basically confirmed that Russia had a meeting with the Trumps and even shown emails proving contact. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear… I have a feeling Trump Jr. won’t be getting any Christmas presents this year. Maybe an eviction notice. But chin up baby Trump, I know your dad has basically modelled his election campaign and Presidency on a House of Cards plot but it has been jolly entertaining, f****** terrifying but entertaining all the same. Now please leave before you kill us all, that would suck. I quite living, I can’t watch Conor and Floyd fight if darling Donald pushes the button. Not cool. I don’t know what’s more hilarious, Trump’s presidency or Manchester United paying £75 million for Romelu Lukaku. I actually cried from laughing. I mean don’t get me wrong Lukaku is good, 75 million quid though? No. For that they could’ve bought two equally good players and some expensive cars for them as welcome presents. Juventus have signed Douglas Costa so I’m happy about that, Liverpool as yet have made as much effort in strengthening their squad as I have improving my diet (which is to say not much as I still qualify as a amateur Michelin Man)
Look, I know it all seems a bit ridiculous and that there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. But wait, there is because I and not someone who just complains about problems without answers. Here goes….
The solution is for Manchester United to find the receipt for Lukaku’s transfer, or sell the whole squad and have Donald Trump, Theresa May, Conor McGregor and Floyd Maywather on the team. They’d be paid handsomely of course. Floyd and Conor would keep things in check and I’d rather Trump and May at Old Trafford ruining Saturday afternoon than ruining the world.
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