Today, as I was skateboarding around town, I realised something. Twenty-six years of age isn’t too old to be skateboarding as some people might think but it is, however, too old to be sh*t at skateboarding and that kinda sucks balls. Because I’m sh*t at it.
I use to be pretty good at it. Flatland was my bag and my bag was always full, but you have this thing when you’re older that you don’t have as a kid. It’s called “fear” or something. I forget.
It’s when you know something might f**k you up and I can’t really afford to f**k my face up anymore than it already is but I’m cool as sh*t and part of being cool as sh*t is smoking fags, drinking gin, skateboarding and wearing leather trousers. Tight leather trousers. The tighter the trousers the cooler the dude. That’s the rule. It’s science. You wouldn’t understand!
Science though! I do love me a bit of science. Real science though. Not like what I just said then about the leather trousers. That wasn’t real science, no-no, that was a “joke”. I like jokes. A joke is basically a lie you can get away with.
If anyone ever has a go at you for lying, maybe you stole their last slice of bread for toast, forgot to invite them to a pub, or accidentally sh*t on their cistern while drunk on absinthe thinking it was a police car bonnet and you’ve been caught out lying about it just say “I wasn’t lying… I was joking!”
You get away with it 22% of the time. And I like those odds. I should also point out now I’ve never been very good at gambling but that’s neither here-nor-there. Or is it here and there? I forget. I’m tired. I’m also pretty sweaty from the skateboarding and according to a recent survey I’m at my sexiest when I’ve got my sweat on. Apart from the hangover sweats. Then not so. Or at least that’s what the survey said.
I think that might be down to shaking like a sh*tting dog. I don’t think anyone who shakes like a shitting dog can be sexy. Unless you’re a dog with a sh*t fetish. Which I am not, despite what the rumors might say.
Speaking of rumours…
I remember going into school once when I was a kid and found out there was a rumour going around about me that the night before these three girls offered me a bl**job down this lane but the only way I could get an erectio
Bumming a wall. Honestly!
I’m more of a hedge kinda guy.
I’m also into this.
| [donate]
| Help keep news FREE for our readersSupporting your local community newspaper/online news outlet is crucial now more than ever. If you believe in independent journalism,then consider making a valuable contribution by making a one-time or monthly donation. We operate in rural areas where providing unbiased news can be challenging. |
